40 Years And 10 Phrases That Changed My Marriage

It matters what we say and how we say it. The heart behind our words matters even more since the heart drives our words and tone.

During my 40 years of marriage, I have learned to speak 10 phrases that have made a difference in our relationship.

Patty and I met in our late teens. Both of us were very inexperienced with life and dating. When we got married 3 years later, I had no idea what I was doing. I needed a lot of help and patience. I had a lot to learn.

Neither I nor my marriage are perfect. I have made and still make numerous mistakes. Many we laugh about. I have a way of unintentionally creating embarrassing moments for myself like the time I gave her a gift card to a hardware store for her birthday. Her friends did an intervention with me including a pictorial book they put together titled, “Gift Giving For Dummies”. That time, I definitely learned to speak the phrases, “I am sorry” and “I will make up for it.”

I love Patty. She is my best friend. We have raised 3 incredible children and really enjoy them along with their spouses and our 2 grandkids. It is like we have 8 kids and we love it. We have so many great memories together. We have helped each other make dreams come true. We have shared purpose and made a difference in the lives of other people. There is no one else I would rather grow old with.

But it wasn’t without mistakes, and it wasn’t without a lot of learning on my part.

Speak these 10 phrases or variations of them.
More importantly, foster the heart behind the words.

1. I love you.

2. Thank you.

3. You work hard. You do so much.

4. I have never done that, but I am willing to give it a try.

5. How can I help?

6. That’s ok. I forgive you. We’re good.

7. I can see your point. It makes sense why you feel that way.

8. I am so sorry. I should have handled that differently.

9. I could be wrong, but my perspective is...

10. That’s ok. Maybe we could try again tomorrow.

How can you learn how to have a better marriage?

• Don’t parrot my phrases. Speak the heart behind them.

• Read a book on marriage.

• Check out my blog and newsletter at rcochran.com

• Come see me if you are ready to make your marriage better.